I remember trying online dating for the first time during my freshman year of college in 2001. As a six-foot-tall woman, I quickly realized that my university’s men’s basketball team was not going to provide me with many dating prospects. So, I turned to online dating, which was a lot like the plot of “You’ve Got Mail” back then. It involved exchanging long emails before meeting up in person, only to find out that there was no chemistry.
Seventeen years later, online dating has come a long way, but the frustrations remain the same. The main advantage of online dating is that it broadens your pool of potential dates beyond your existing social and professional circles. However, when it comes to everything else, it falls short.
As an action-oriented overachiever with an MBA, I approached my love life like a business problem. I took myself on a relationship off-site before turning 30 to reflect on my track record of mediocre relationships. I knew what I wanted in a partner: kindness, curiosity, empathy, and a sense of purpose. However, when it came to online dating, I was prioritizing factors like an Ivy League degree, height, and proximity to me. These were easy to vet online, but they didn’t necessarily lead to a good match.
In the spring of 2016, I decided to re-engineer my online dating approach using classic business tools. Instead of swiping on apps, I went to OkCupid for its writing sample and to avoid the gamification of dating. I set up a sales funnel, throwing out any sense of my type, and instead focused on the criteria that would qualify a lead. An inbound message had to be written in complete sentences and with good grammar, show some effort, and have a hook that sparked my interest.
This approach worked for me, and I ended up meeting my current partner through OkCupid. The key was to think of online dating as a tool to complement my existing social and professional circles, not a replacement for them. By being intentional and thoughtful about my approach, I was able to find someone who truly matched what I was looking for in a partner.
In conclusion, online dating can be a frustrating experience if you don’t approach it with the right mindset. It’s important to think beyond easy-to-vet factors like physical traits and instead focus on the qualities that truly matter to you. By using classic business tools like a sales funnel, you can increase your chances of finding someone who is a good match for you.